Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
