they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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