OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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