I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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