I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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