I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
