i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Can I color on your dick again?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
