I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
