my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize