Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
