I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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