I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
