Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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