idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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