I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
