We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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