Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
