sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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