I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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