all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
