I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
