Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
