I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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