This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
