I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
