Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Im part way to drunk.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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