I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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