Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize