I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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