I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
