The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
