Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
