I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
