Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
