The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
