mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
