Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
