If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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