PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
