sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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