We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
