Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
