I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
