You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
