So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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