his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
