just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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