I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
