you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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