Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
