probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
