I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
