She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
