I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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