I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
