Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Someone came in the potted fern
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
