JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
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She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize