ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just had sex on a roof
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
