Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
