You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
