go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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