It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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