I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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