First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize