Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
