Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
As shirtless as possible
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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