he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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