So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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