Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
