how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
