everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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