whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
