I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
