didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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