honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
