Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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