I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
