yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
