I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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