normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
