i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
