Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
