My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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