I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Someone shit on the floor
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
honey bunches of taint.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
