my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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