Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
